


I'd Rather Be Jack

by mitchmatthews



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Adrian's first time, Angst, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-13 21:11:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19259254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitchmatthews/pseuds/mitchmatthews
Summary: “Whatever,” Adrian huffs. “He said he’d give me a chance if I get more… experience.”Deran hums to say he’s listening.“But I don’t want my first time to be with some random guy, you know?”The idea of someone else touching Adrian makes an angry feeling boil in his stomach.Adrian continues. “I want it to be with someone I like. Or.... or someone I trust.” He slowly looks up, those shy eyes staring at Deran intensely. “Like you.”Deran’s mouth dries up. His heart beats so fast it leaps into his throat. “Me?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom! I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Title from Jack by The Vamps. 
> 
> Sorry about the spacing in this. I copied it from google docs and don't have the patience to go through and delete all the extra spaces.

**Age 18: Adrian’s Senior Year at High school**

 

Deran is waiting outside in his car when the bell rings. The students pile out of the school, and soon enough Adrian is climbing into the passenger seat.

 

“Hey, man,” Deran greets him. Adrian crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. His eyes are watery like he’s about to cry but he still looks ridiculously cute.

 

His voice is shaky when he finally speaks. “Can we go?”

 

Deran nods. “Yeah, of course.” He pulls out of the parking lot and drives towards the beach. The beach always cheers Adrian up.

 

Deran glances at his friend when he’s stopped at a light. “How was your day?”

 

Adrian laughs, which is a good sign. “It would’ve been better if you were there.”

 

Deran chuckles and shakes his head. “School’s not my thing anymore.”

 

Adrian sighs, but he doesn’t argue. He’s tried to convince Deran to finish high school, but every time they talk about it it turns into a fight.

 

“I know,” Adrian agrees. “But I’d like it more if you were there.” He leans his head against the window and watches the cars pass by. He doesn’t see the way Deran’s eyes practically bug out of his skull in reaction to what he said.  

 

“What… what’s wrong?” Deran asks. Adrian’s still acting mopey. He shifts in his seat and fiddles with the hem of his shorts. Deran knows Adrian only does that when he’s nervous or sad.

 

“I got rejected today,” he admits quietly, and Deran has to bite his tongue to hold back a jealous shout. He keeps his mouth shut and tries to breath through the angry-hot feeling bubbling in his stomach and chest.

 

“I asked out this guy and he said no because I’m a virgin.”

 

Deran sneaks a peak at Adrian and sees how red his face is. He’s embarrassed.

 

“That’s a stupid reason to reject someone.”

 

Adrian nods vigorously. “I know! But he said he doesn’t want to be the first one to fuck me because he hates dealing with inexperienced people.”  

 

Deran shakes his head. He tries to think about something supportive to say. “I’m sure most guys don’t care.”

 

Deran doesn’t. He’d kill to be Adrian’s first time.

 

Adrian sighs. “Maybe, but I hate being rejected. I doubt I’ll ask anyone out ever again.”

 

Deran gulps. He has to pretend that doesn’t make him insanely happy.

 

“Well, we’re young. There’s no rush. You should, you know… when you’re ready.” Deran blushes.

 

Adrian smiles. It’s so beautiful that Deran nearly forgets to look back at the road.

 

“Thanks, D.”

 

**Age 19: Adrian’s Freshman Year in College**

 

There’s an embarrassed flush on Adrian’s cheek’s when he flops down in the sand beside Deran.

 

Deran nods at him. “Rough day?”

 

Adrian lies back against the sand. “Oh, yeah. Big time.”

 

“What happened?”

 

Adrian turns on his side to look at Deran. He bites his lip nervously. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

 

Deran smiles. Adrian’s adorable when he’s shy. “I promise.”

 

“I got rejected again.”

 

Deran suddenly remembers something similar happening a few months ago before Adrian graduated from high school.

 

He sits up straighter. “Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Adrian sighs. “Same fucking reason as last time.”

 

Deran’s eyebrows jump. There’s no way _two_ people would reject offers of sex with Adrian. He’s too gorgeous; it’s hard to believe anybody wouldn’t want him.

 

“No way,” Deran shakes his head. “Boys are horny shits, I can’t believe he’d reject you over that.”

 

Adrian huffs and rolls onto his back again. “I know. I guess the boys around here really hate inexperienced bottoms.”

 

Deran’s brain hot-wires. “Bottom?” he repeats dumbly.

 

“Duh. I mean, I finger myself, and I like it, so that’s what I want to do.”

 

Deran had just assumed that was true. It didn’t make sense that someone thought Adrian having no experience topping mattered. It’s different being someone’s first time when they’re bottoming. You have to go so slow and careful at the beginning so you don’t hurt them. But hearing Adrian say it out loud just fills Deran with stupid, inappropriate thoughts that he shouldn’t be having about his best friend.

 

Deran’s cheeks go pink. “Right,” he coughs awkwardly.

 

“Anyways,” Adrian says, completely ignorant to Deran’s inner panic. “I’m just super bummed. I really like him,” he admits quietly.

 

Deran’s chest aches and he tries to hide his disappointment. This is not about him. It’s about Adrian.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“You know Jack? He surfs around here sometimes and he’s in my environmental science class.”

 

Deran fights back the jealousy and smiles. “I know him.”

 

He’s one of those snobby rich kids. Deran can’t stop himself from saying it.

 

“He is not,” Adrian hisses, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“He won’t date you ‘cause you’re a virgin. He’s a total snob.”

 

“Whatever,” Adrian huffs. “He said he’d give me a chance if I get more… experience.”

 

Deran hums to say he’s listening.

 

“But I don’t want my first time to be with some random guy, you know?”

 

The idea of someone else touching Adrian makes an angry feeling boil in his stomach.

Adrian continues. “I want it to be with someone I like.” He pauses and looks down. “Or.... or someone I trust.” He slowly looks up again, those shy eyes staring at Deran intensely. “Like you.”

 

Deran’s mouth dries up. His heart beats so fast it leaps into his throat. “Me?”

 

Adrian bites his lip and sits up, hugging his knees to his chest. “You, you don’t have to,” he says quietly. “But I know you wouldn’t hurt me. And if you tell Jack I’m good at it, maybe he’ll like me, right?”

 

Deran shifts uncomfortably. “I don’t know, he might.” Adrian touches his knee gently. His eyes are so timid and scared, as if Deran would ever say no to him.

 

“Please?” He begs. Deran nods slowly.

 

“O-okay,” he agrees. “I’ll do it.”

 

Adrian’s face lights up beautifully and he throws himself at Deran. “Oh, you’re the best!” He shouts. Deran wraps his arms around him, hugging tightly. There’s no way this is real, that Adrian really just him asked that.

 

Adrian squeezes him. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

 

Friend. That’s all he’ll ever be to Adrian.

 

*****

 

Deran likes it way more than he should. Having Adrian moaning under him is the best thing he’s ever experienced. There are tears in Adrian’s eyes but he’s whining Deran’s name and scratching his back.

 

“Please, please, please,” Adrian cries, wrapping his legs around Deran’s waist and urging him on. Deran gives him one particularly rough thrust, and the begging stops.

 

Deran hears a high pitched “uh, uh, uh” noise every time he thrusts, and he’s so sex drunk that it takes him a few seconds to realize it’s Adrian. He looks so beautiful like this; sobbing and moaning as if Deran’s dick is the best thing he’s ever had.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Deran whispers, and Adrian gasps, mouth hanging open gorgeously. Deran leans down and kisses him, slowing down his pace. He goes slow like that until the end, teasing the orgasm out of Adrian.

 

It’s awkward when they finish and Deran knows it’s his fault. He said too much; did too much to reveal how he really feels. But Adrian’s lying there covered in cum, and Deran promised to do this right. He finds a pair of boxers and then stumbles into the bathroom to get a towel to clean Adrian. Once they’re clean, Deran tucks his friend into the covers. Adrian watches him with a distant look, but he lets Deran kiss him goodnight.

 

“Thank you,” he whispers. Deran smiles awkwardly and heads to the window. He climbs out and runs home in the dark, and it’s the last time he sees Adrian for a few weeks.

 

He doesn’t forget about it, but he almost forgets why they did it to begin with. Deran’s supposed to tell that Jack guy that Adrian’s a good lay. He’s surprised when Jack stops him on the beach.

 

“You’re Deran, right?” Jack asks. Deran was on the way to his car, but he stops to talk.

 

“That’s me.” He doesn’t mean to size Jack up, but it’s instinctual. Jack could take Adrian from him. He’s a threat.

 

“Awesome,” Jack grins. “Listen, Adrian told me you guys fucked. That true?”

 

Deran scoffs. “Why does that matter?”

 

He wants to smack the stupid smile off Jack’s face.

 

“I just wanna know if he’s any good.”

 

“In bed?” Deran asks, eyebrows arched dubiously. Jack nods.

 

Adrian’s more than good. He’s perfect, he’s beautiful, he got so sweet and submissive when Deran fucked him; he’s everything any guy would be lucky to have.

 

But he can’t let Jack find out. He knows what it’s like to touch Adrian now, he can’t just give that up.

 

“He’s bad,” Deran lies.

 

“No shit,” Jack laughs. “Really?”

 

Deran barely feels guilty as he says it. “He’s terrible, I wouldn’t waste your time with him.”

 

Jack nods and pats Deran on the shoulder. “Damn. Well, thanks for the heads up.”

 

He walks off and Deran shoves his hands in his pockets. He finishes his walk to the car and drives home. He knows he shouldn’t have said what he said, but the idea of Adrian dating Jack makes him feel sick.

 

He stops at a gas station on the way home and uses a fake ID to buy a six pack. When he gets home he heads for his room, but Smurf calls him into the kitchen.

 

“Your friend came looking for you, so I invited him inside for pie,” She says gleefully. Adrian’s sitting at the kitchen table with a scowl on his face.

 

He stands up angrily and his jaw shakes as he speaks. “Can I talk to you? In _private_?” he hisses. Oh god, he must know what Deran did.

 

“Okay.” Deran gulps. Adrian leaves his pie and follows Deran through to his room. As soon as the door is shut, Adrian is shoving him roughly.

 

“What’s your fucking problem?!” Deran shouts in surprise. Tears escape Adrian’s eyes and he tries to hit Deran’s chest, but Deran easily grabs his wrists and holds him in place.

 

“You ruined my chances with Jack, you fucking asshole!” He yells. His eyes are red. He shakes in Deran’s grasp.

 

“Why’d you say it?” He cries. Deran shakes his head. He has no answer.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and Adrian’s face crumbles. He collapses in Deran’s arms.

 

“I thought you—I thought you liked it.” He’s so quiet, so weak that Deran barely hears him.

 

His heart breaks in his chest. “I did, I did. You were so good,” he mumbles into Adrian’s hair. The boy won’t stop crying or shaking.

 

“Then why’d you say I’m bad?!”

 

Deran doesn’t answer. Adrian pulls out of his grasp and smacks his chest again.

 

“Jack told me he doesn’t want to be with me and it’s your fault.”

 

Deran rolls his eyes and moves to lie on his bed. He runs his fingers down his face and groans.

 

“If he won’t date you because of the sex then he’s a fucking prick!”

 

“He’s not!” Adrian shouts.

 

Deran shoots up into a sitting position and throws his arms in the air. “He rejected you! Get over it!”

 

“I _will_ get over it!”

 

“Then I don’t understand what the fucking problem is!”

 

Adrian’s eyes bulge and he takes a few angry steps forwards until he’s standing over Deran.

 

“YOU ARE!” He yells.

 

There’s a heavy silence in the room as they stare at each other. Adrian jabs him in the chest with his finger.

 

“You’re the fucking problem because you said I’m bad in bed but I thought you liked it. And now I feel really fucking stupid because I gave myself to you like that, and you said I was bad.” His voice is close to cracking.

 

Deran sighs, looking down in defeat. “I lied to him. I’m sorry.”

 

Adrian jabs him in the chest again, and Deran grabs his hand, yanking him closer until Adrian is bent over him and they’re chest to chest.

 

“I just wanna know why,” Adrian admits sadly. Deran tugs him even closer until they’re kissing.

 

He pulls Adrian into his lap and kisses him until he feels wetness against his cheeks. He slowly pulls away and sees tear tracks on Adrian’s cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Adrian slowly rests his head on Deran’s shoulder.

 

“It—It’s okay. You’re… you’re still my friend.”

 

Friend. That’s all he’ll ever be to Adrian.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian makes a quiet sobbing noise. “No one wants me.”
> 
> Deran wraps his arms around Adrian’s waist. “I do,” he admits weakly. Adrian shakes his head.
> 
> “Not in the way I wanna be wanted.”

Yes,  Deran regrets lying to Jack. He shouldn’t have said Adrian is bad in bed when the complete opposite is true. Adrian’s still sitting in his lap and crying quietly, his face hidden in Deran’s neck. Of course, Deran feels bad for making his friend this upset. But he’s selfish. He’d rather have Adrian here and upset than happy and somewhere else with Jack.

 

“Why doesn’t he want me?” Adrian whispers weakly. Deran’s fists clench angrily where they’re holding the back of Adrian’s shirt. He doesn’t understand how someone wouldn’t want Adrian.

 

“He’s a prick.”

 

Adrian makes a quiet sobbing noise. “No one wants me.”

 

Deran wraps his arms around Adrian’s waist. “I do,” he admits weakly. Adrian shakes his head.

 

“Not in the way I wanna be wanted.”

 

Deran pulls back and gives him a startled look. He just kissed Adrian, but Adrian still thinks Deran doesn’t want him?

 

“Yes I do,” Deran argues.

 

Adrian’s pretty blue eyes are red and teary. Deran presses their mouths together.

 

“I want you,” he murmurs, taking Adrian’s face in his hands. He kisses Adrian slow and sweet, trying to poor all of his feelings into it. Adrian’s mouth opens up so beautifully for him, and Deran licks inside, getting them both panting. Adrian grabs his shoulders and pushes until Deran lies back.

 

His cheeks are pink. He looks so vulnerable. “Can we?”

 

Deran swallows. “Can we what?”

 

He knows what Adrian’s asking for. He just wants to hear him say it.

 

“Please?” Adrian whines. “I want it. Want you...”

 

Deran pulls him down into a kiss. Adrian presses himself against Deran’s crotch.

 

“Please?” he begs, and Deran could never deny him anything.

 

He knows he shouldn’t. Adrian’s just upset. He doesn’t really want Deran the way Deran wants him.

 

“Deran, please.”

 

Deran can’t say no to him. He gives in and flips them over. The way Adrian stares up at him as he undresses makes his heart race.

 

*****

 

Adrian ignores Deran for two weeks, but Deran expected as much. He hears from a few of Adrian’s friends that he’s busy with college, but he knows it’s an excuse. Adrian doesn’t want to see him.

 

He gets fed up by the end of the third week and heads down to the beach to find him. They were best friends before all of this, and Deran’s not going to give that up so easily.

 

He catches Adrian by his car, wiggling his way out of his wetsuit. Deran watches for a few seconds, just admiring the boy’s beauty.

 

“Adrian,” he calls out. Adrian turns as he approaches, and when he recognizes Deran, his eyes immediately fall to the ground.

 

“Oh, um, hi.” His cheeks are pink and it’s such a pretty contrast with his eyes. He’s so gorgeous it makes Deran’s chest ache.

 

“Where have you been?” Deran asks softly as if Adrian will run if he’s too loud. “I’ve been texting you.”

 

“Oh,” Adrian laughs awkwardly. “I’ve been around, you know. Been busy.”

 

He starts to pull off his wetsuit, but stops and gives Deran a look.

 

“Do you mind?”

 

Deran rolls his eyes. “You have shorts on underneath.”

 

Adrian fidgets under his gaze. “So? It’s weird if you watch.”

 

“I’ve seen you naked dozens of times,” Deran points out. It makes Adrian blush even more.

 

“It’s different now,” he mumbles, but he carries on to take off the wetsuit.

 

“How’s it different?”

 

Adrian stumbles a bit while he pulls his feet free. Deran steadies him with a hand on his waist.

“You’ve… we’ve…” Adrian trails off and shakes his head, moving away from Deran’s touch.

 

“I just want us to be okay,” Deran says. He hates how awkward and stilted it is between them. He loves Adrian, but he wants him back as his best friend more than anything.

 

“You know how bored I’ve been without you?” He adds. Adrian smiles.

 

“You’re bored without me?”

 

“Of course I am.”

 

Adrian nods and looks down. “I’m sorry that I made things weird between us.” Deran grabs his hand.

 

“You didn’t. Everything’s fine.”

 

At least Adrian doesn’t pull away from him this time.

 

“You fucked me, twice. There’s no way everything’s fine.”

 

It’s Deran’s turn to blush. “I still want you to be my friend.”

 

Adrian squeezes his hand. “I want that too.”

 

The look on his face is so soft and relieved, and Deran wants to kiss him.

 

“Maybe things will be awkward for a bit, but so what?”

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Adrian agrees. “So what? We’ll get through it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Kudos and comments are much appreciated!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @adriancody !!


End file.
